There is a striking moment in Parashat Shoftim when the Torah pauses amidst the laws of warfare and military conduct to direct its gaze toward the individual soldier in the background:
“And who is the man who has betrothed a woman and has not married her? Let him go and return to his house, lest he die in the battle and another man take her.”
At first glance, this seems like a mere practical exemption—a logistical decision to send a young man who has just begun building his future back home so he may fulfill his commitment. Yet, beneath the lines of raw law, a profound human compassion echoes: the Torah teaches us that love is not merely a fleeting emotion, but an entire future, a home, and a world that two people build together.
The famous teachings of Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler z”l (1892–1953), one of the great masters of recent generations, poses a fundamental question that challenges conventional wisdom: Which comes first—love or giving?
Human intuition suggests that we give because we love. But Rabbi Dessler completely reverses the equation: We love because we give. The more we invest in another person—with our time, effort, concern, prayers, and devotion—the more a part of ourselves becomes embedded in them. They become part of us, and this giving is what nurtures, deepens, and sustains true love.
When a soldier goes off to battle and loved ones remain behind, the hours of waiting, uncertainty, longing, and prayer all become the deepest and purest form of giving. Conversely, the soldier’s giving—sacrificing comfort and safety for home, people, and homeland—is the highest expression of love.
Love is not merely something we feel in moments of quiet; it is what we build together through devotion, faith, stepping forward, and choosing one another time and time again.
This past Monday, I was privileged to see my dear and beloved son, Maor, as he took his first steps upon enlisting into the Golani Brigade at the IDF.
As he sets out on this new, demanding, and meaningful journey, our hearts overflow with pride and prayer. Now, as he marches along the trails and face demanding tasks, we remember that he doesn’t walk alone. Every step, every night on watch, and every effort he makes is anchored in a sea of love, support, pride, and faith from an entire home and community that accompanies him at every single moment. Maor! May you lead, strengthen your comrades, stay safe, and return to us healthy and whole.
A Prayer for the Peace of Israel’s Defense Forces:
From here, from within our community, we offer a pure and wholehearted prayer for the safety and security of all the soldiers of the Israel Defense Forces who stand guard over our land and our people:
May the Holy One, Blessed be He, guard their going out and their coming in, protect them from all trouble and distress, strengthen their hands and their spirit, and return all our soldiers to their homes in peace—healthy in body and soul—to the warm embrace of the families and community waiting for them with endless love.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Refael Cohen