Parasha Chaye Sarah opens with the passing of the mother of the nation, Sarah our Matriarch, yet her name highlights the essence of her life: “And the life of Sarah was a hundred years and twenty years and seven years; the years of the life of Sarah”. Our Sages teach us that all the years of her life were equally good, and despite the enormous trials and hardships she faced, her life was filled with meaning, contribution, and deep connection.
One of the most prominent traits characterizing the home of Abraham and Sarah—and this Torah portion in particular—is the quality of kindness (Chessed).
The parashah begins with Sarah’s passing and concludes with Abraham’s, and in between, it tells the story of finding a wife for Isaac. Yet it is impossible to read the portion without feeling the spirit emanating from Abraham’s home: a spirit of hospitality, an open heart, and concern for others.
We already saw this in previous parasha within Abraham’s tent, which was open to all four directions of the wind, and in Sarah’s immense dedication to every guest who visited their dwelling. The climax appears in the story of Eliezer, Abraham’s servant, by the well. Eliezer chooses to test Isaac’s prospective bride specifically through this trait—the trait of kindness. When Rebecca approaches the well and gives water not only to him but also to all his camels (a massive physical undertaking), she proves that she carries the spiritual and moral DNA of Abraham’s household: giving is her second nature.
When we speak of kindness, we usually think of helping others, volunteering, visiting the sick, or giving charity. These are, of course, holy foundations in our lives. However, Parashat Chayei Sarah, and the context of establishing a home for Isaac and Rebecca, remind us of another fundamental truth: The greatest kindness must begin right at home, within the marital relationship.
Oftentimes, it is easy for us to be kind, patient, and pleasant toward neighbors, friends, or strangers on the street, but at home, in front of our spouse, daily burnout and heavy workloads cause us to forget kind words, small compliments, and the little efforts meant to bring joy to the other.
Marital kindness is not made up only of grand gestures, but of small details that create a safe and heartwarming space:
- True Listening: Giving your spouse your full attention after a long workday, without getting distracted by screens.
- Mutual Compromise: The ability to put one’s ego aside for the sake of peace in the home and the happiness of both partners.
- Appreciation and Gratitude: Never taking anything for granted, and saying thank you for every little thing the other person does for the home.
At the end of the parashah, after Eliezer brings Rebecca, Isaac brings her into the tent of Sarah his mother: “And Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother, and he took Rebecca, and she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother”
When Isaac sees Rebecca continuing Sarah’s path—a path of kindness, blessing, and light within the tent—he finds comfort. The home they build is not merely a technical framework, but a sanctuary of mutual kindness, where each wraps the other in love and care.
Food for Thought…
Let us take Sarah our Matriarch’s message into the coming week. Let us ask ourselves:
- How can we add a small act of kindness today toward our spouse? (A surprising appreciative text message, helping with household chores before being asked, or a warm smile upon entering the home).
- How does the atmosphere in our home reflect the open, warm tent of Abraham and Sarah?
Shabbat Shalom!
Rabbi Refael Cohen